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The Cat Call
 an excerpt from Stand At Ease
by Jim Kilpatrick, RMA '65

Arriving at the Academy for my sophomore year was as strange as the first year. I was a squad leader for D company, no longer a plebe, meeting with my old friends, reminiscing about departed cadets and events that took place in the year before. We also talked about our summers and what lay ahead for us in 1962-63. We watched the new plebes walking around in a daze and never thought about how stupid we must have looked the year before. The first few days watching the new plebes brought plenty of laughs. Many of them didn’t know their right from their left; some even wore their cap incorrectly. That passed as we begin the new year with high hopes and aspirations.

The year began with one incident which always makes me laugh. It occurred during one of the regular Saturday morning inspections and we knew nothing about it until we were called to personal inspection in the gym.

What had happened was someone on either the second or third floor of North Barracks had leaned out their window and made a loud throat cleaning sound as Captain Gustave Lauchstaedt was headed over the bridge for his Saturday inspections in the gym. Well he heard the noise but could not quite tell where it came from. He knew the general direction but not the specific window. Since he could not figure out exactly where the noise came from, the two companies, B and D were about to receive the raft of his anger.

B Company was first for personal inspection and when they returned there was the usual laughter as the company climbed the stairs to the floor above us. As B company commander cleared our floor he yelled down the hall “You guys are really going to get it.” This spelled some kind of doom, which kind we didn’t know.

We were next, to be ordered to the gym for inspection. Still not knowing what lie ahead we formed up on the floor and headed to the gym.

The company marched across the bridge and into the gym where Captain L was waiting for us. We formed up and then the company commander ordered us to opened ranks to allow extra space for the inspecting party to move between the ranks.

Captain L began his inspection. He seemed to be checking each cadet more closely than usual, but was finding few if any errors. He checked me from head to toe and then moved on. My squad passed without a single gig being given. I was proud of my unit. When he finished, the company closed ranks and we were about to march off when Captain L ordered the company commander to order the company to parade rest.

It was then that the garbage hit the fan, so to speak. Captain L looked at us and then began to speak. His lecture was worded strongly and was mixed with the usual clearing of his throat. His face was red with anger as he went on and on, as the gym echoed with his words.

“Gentleman, while coming over for personal inspection (clears throat) I was greeted by a cat call (clears throat again), and some cadet was disrespectful to me (clears throat for the third time).” He said all of this with a slight lisping sound.

I glanced to the right and saw several of my squad members with smiles on their faces. Did they know something that I didn’t?

Captain L continued his tirade walking up and down in front of the company. He would stop in front of a cadet and give the individual a long hard look as if he was looking into his soul. The longer he spoke, the louder he got, and the redder his face became.

It was at this point that one of the cadets broke up with laughter. Captain L stopped speaking and walked toward the cadet, who was now rolling around on the gym floor.

“Attenshun,” screamed the company commander.

The cadet crawled to his feet and attempted to come to attention, but the tears rolled down his face as he was hit again and again with waves of laughter. He would get to almost standing before he would collapse again with laughter. Several others were affected by what was going on and began to laugh softly so as not to be heard.

It was several minutes before the cadet was finally able to regain his composure and stand at attention. He was ordered to stand at attention and the rest of the company was marched back to the barracks.

Of course, the company was alive with chatter as rumors ran wild. He had done it, or knew who did it. Other rumors that highlighted the morning were that he was going to be expelled; his parents had been called and were already on their way to the school. The best one was that he had gotten a lawyer to defend him; from where we weren’t sure. He did appear on the slab that afternoon after mess. He also was restricted to the campus for about three weeks.

They never found out who the real culprit was, but it never happened again, at least as long as I was at the Academy. Captain L continued his inspections on Saturdays and handed out gigs to cadets that were lazy and didn’t dress correctly.

One other thing I have to tell you about Captain L. He also was the officer in charge of the rifle range and the rifle team. The rifle range was located in the basement of the gym. We fired 22 caliber rifles if we earned the right to be on the rifle team. I made the team only one year but I enjoyed being there. We would compete on the range firing in all four positions; standing, sitting, kneeling and squatting. The captain would mark the scores on the targets and send our scores to the team we were competing against. They in turn would respond with their scores and we would know who had won.

The incident I want to tell you about happened when I spent my one year on the team.

We were firing from the standing position when Cadet Tom, had a misfire. The rule was, if you had a misfire you were to inform Captain L of the misfire and he would handle the problem. You were to remain facing down range with the rifle pointing down range.

Well Cadet Tom turned and faced the other cadets with the rifle pointing at them.

I remember Captain L looking at Cadet Tom and screaming at the top of his voice, “(Clearing throat) Hit the dirt,” which we all did.

What followed was a dressing down by Captain L that still rings in my ears. In between Captain L’s throat clearings his words ripped the facial hair from Tom. No one could ever match the words that came flowing out of his mouth. The problem was, with him constantly clearing his throat it was hard not to laugh. However, when it came to the rifle range and a weapon in a cadet’s hand Captain L was all business and you knew it. You just didn’t disobey anything he said if you wanted to be on the team. Cadet Tom was ordered out of the range after Captain L finished yelling at him.

We all were surprised by this action by the Captain. It wasn’t until the next day when reading the demerit sheet that we knew why the leniency. There was Cadet Tom’s name followed by this statement “assault with a deadly weapon on an officer” and as you moved to the results of the offense you saw 50 demerits. There was no way Cadet Tom would cover that number of demerits, he would be walking the slab for a long time.

For more information or to order "Stand at Ease", go to Jim Kilpatrick's web site.

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